


Winter

by lovely_local_dreamer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 00:56:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7245730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovely_local_dreamer/pseuds/lovely_local_dreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years from the eyes of Tyler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter

The day I first saw you, I wasn't sure how I would feel about you. Honestly, you looked like the person my parents warned me about. A punk. A bad influence.

But my god, you had pink hair. Who has pink hair? It looked like cotton candy and what kind of punk has cotton candy hair? It even made your tattoo sleeve and gauges look innocent.

Honestly, I should have turned heel and run the moment you made eye contact with me. But your smile was a trap.

It was fall, the middle of fall, and there was only a slight breeze. A perfect day. 

You walked up to me a week later. 

Sure, awkward eye contact had become a regular occurrence for that entire week (only awkward on my part), but that day I smiled back.

To be perfectly honest, Josh, I can't remember that conversation at all. Your eyes looked like wood after it rains. You turned to look back behind you at one point, and the sun caught them, and they looked like honey. Ugh I'm such a sap.

Apparently that conversation somehow led to you sitting by me at lunch. I'm not complaining, I'm just amazed I managed to seem interesting enough. I really hope I didn't say anything dumb.

Fast forward a few weeks, you came to my house to study, and it ended up being a sleepover. We talked about everything and nothing, for hours, and that's the night I knew I wanted to be by your side forever. I knew I'd found a best friend. 

That entire school year was the best time of my life. We went on adventures and I dyed your hair five different colors. You didn't ask about my sleeves.

I appreciated it. 

Sophomore year; we were connected at the hip the entire time. How lucky that we had five classes together out of seven? 

You didn't ask about my sleeves, even on the days where the girls all had shorts and the boys all wore muscle shirts. You didn't ask. I wasn't not sure how I felt about it.

Countless adventurers, so many perfect memories. 

Why didn't you ask?

I know, I /know/ I should have come to you. But I didn't. I'm not even coming to you now. You're a ray of sunshine, Josh, and I can't be the reason you're unhappy. 

Ironic, huh. 

Junior year, eleventh grade, we were closer than ever, to that stage of friendship where we could cuddle all night and it wouldn't be weird. It could never be weird.

The hottest year in the last decade, according to the news page I followed on facebook. You gave me looks, but I pretended not to notice.

Why didn't I tell you? I really should have told you. I still can tell you, actually. However, I'd rather tell you when I'm not literally on my death bed, y'feel me?

My grades started dipping from their usual straight-a status. You tutored me, and my lowest grade was a c by the end of the year.

Senior year. You had ambitions and plans and I had bandages under my sleeves. You had to have known at that point, but you never mentioned it, and I never mentioned it. I think we were scared of the change. I know I was.

You spent the nights going on about what college you were accepted into, what books you had read, songs you'd learned. I listened. Before we slept I remembered my favorite memories out loud, we laughed, and I made sure to tell you I loved you. 

I told you every time we parted for a month. 

You went away for a week long trip at the beginning of the summer. Your parents were so excited, and you were worried about me, but I promised to call you every day, and you were okay.

I wasn't okay, but this isn't really about me.

I got a job at the library. I was surrounded by books and it was wonderful. Plus the library's air conditioner was broken, so I had an excuse for my sleeves.

You came back, slightly tanner and your hair a shade lighter than the blue it'd been when you left. I hugged you tighter than should be humanly possible, and we spent the following months filling every free moment with adventures. 

We both knew we were filling the space. We both knew you left for college in a few weeks.

I cried, and so did you, and your parents, and my parents, and it was bittersweet. I promised to call every day. We were okay, albeit heavy-hearted. 

Winter of your freshman year of college. You had finals coming up and our daily calls and instant replies to texts turned to weekly and hours in between.

I was okay. I knew you had things to do.

Spring, and the calls were monthly and texts left on read. 

Summer, and you came home. Summer and I forgot what unhappy was. Summer and it felt like sophomore year of high school and I was elated. Summer and I had my own place and we had fun.

Fall and you left.

Fall and neither of us called.

Winter and neither of us texted.

Winter and I was lonely. 

Winter and I wanted nothing more than to hear your voice. Winter and I bled through my shirt at work. 

Spring. I called. It didn't even ring. Finals, I realized. It didn't help the sting though.

Summer. You couldn't afford to come down and our parents were on vacation together. Summer and I was numb even in the sun.

Fall. Bitter. Biting. Lonely.

Winter. I called. Three rings before you declined. Finals again, I hoped. 

Winter and I decided.

Winter and I left you a voicemail saying I loved you.

Winter and I gave my two weeks notice.

Winter and I spent the day with my parents.

Winter and I wish I'd tried harder to get to you.

Josh, please don't be sad. You are the sun, and you can't stop shining, okay? I'm so very sorry, but I can't live the way I am. I can't see myself ever being happy again, and I'm just bringing everyone around me down. I love you so much. 

Please don't stop shining.

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I always write angst. Why. I don't have to. But I do.
> 
> Y'all, talk about this stuff with someone, okay?  
> I'm on tumblr as t-a-x-i-c-a-b if you want to talk to me, but talk to someone. I swear it will get better. Tomorrow is always another chance for a better today.
> 
> Hope you liked it??¿? Idk. 
> 
> Also I didn't proof read this oops.


End file.
